I spent the first half of 2021 pregnant with my first baby. It was a most beautiful time. I loved feeling him move around inside me and wondering what he would look like when he came out. I felt so excited and happy and good in my body. I read books, took classes, listened to podcasts, and prepared in every way for the birth I wanted. One day, after 41 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy, I woke up with contractions and I knew the time had finally come! After 23+ hours of labor, he was born in our home and the whole thing was just so magical. I loved it.
But just 5 hours later, the postpartum trouble hit when I had to be transferred to the hospital for support with a bad hemorrhage. After spending the night there and receiving two blood transfusions, I went home weak and tired. The next few weeks and months were so hard as I tried to heal, worked through terrible digestion problems, sought help with pelvic floor damage, and experienced the beginnings of the worst sleep deprivation ever, all while learning to care for a tiny human. Even a year postpartum, I still didn’t feel myself and I wondered how all these women I see around me are doing this!
It was at some point during that first year postpartum that I sat down to read Heng Ou’s The First Forty Days. This book is about how to care for and support a new mother (or yourself) after having a baby. I cried so many times as I read it and thought, “THIS is what I needed!! I wish I would have read this and believed it before I ever gave birth.”
The dumbest thing about it all was I had the book before I even got pregnant. I just didn’t read it. I skimmed through it for about 2 minutes and decided, “Meh, I’ll probably be fine. I’ll rest for 40 days and call it good.”
Well, it wasn’t good. And probably because the book says so much more than just rest for 40 days. So, for all you mothers preparing to give birth to your first baby, my advice is: Read this book! Take it seriously! Preparing for postpartum is at least as important as preparing for birth. For all you mothers pregnant with your second, third, or 17th baby, check out this book if you want to have a different postpartum experience from last time.
With that, let’s dig into some of my thoughts on it!
Suggestions for how to read it
I think I didn’t take it seriously before having my baby because I didn’t approach it the right way. If I could go back in time and tell myself about this book, here’s what I would say:
- Read through the whole thing so you get a feel for the entire approach. It’s not as long as it looks (and it doesn’t even look that long to begin with at 223 pages). A lot of that is filled with beautiful photos and recipes. It’s worth sitting down and actually reading.
- Pay attention to the overall themes and messages and keep an open mind. When you read something that seems too old fashioned to work for you now, ask yourself if that’s really true. Perhaps there is a way to adapt their suggestions to work in your specific situation.
- Don’t be overwhelmed by the recipes. When I first read the book, I found the recipes very challenging. They had a long list of ingredients, many of which I was not familiar with. Again, have an open mind and see the overall picture of what the author is trying to portray. It’s not important to make the food exactly how it’s shown (or make those specific foods at all for that matter). What’s important is the message of how the foods and which foods we eat will support or hinder our healing.
- In case you didn’t gather this from the previous tips: Take what works for you, adjust what you want to, and let go of the rest. Not everything in this book will fit with every person. You are unique and your situation is yours! Take what is helpful and leave the rest.
Let’s move on to some things I really enjoyed about this book.
Aesthetics
As I’ve mentioned in previous book reviews, I’m a sucker for a beautiful book. While the text is worth reading regardless, it’s so fun and cozy to combine the words with beautiful images and colors that enlighten and inspire. They break up the monotony of black and white and they are fun to look at.
Perspective
She shares her own story at the beginning, and then goes through the various traditions and historical practices of postpartum mothering in different areas around the world. Reading about the postpartum traditions of those in Korea, Latin America, Indonesia, and others brought a special sense of unity that I did not have previously. Women all around the world have done and are doing this work of birth and postpartum care, and while the details vary, there is so much that connects us.
After sharing bits and pieces of these various cultures, the author pulls out the main themes she sees repeated in the postpartum healing traditions around the world:
- Retreat – a time for stillness, space, and gentle companionship.
- Warmth – particularly with food and nutrition, this focus is on providing warm, soft, easily digestible foods to strengthen and nourish the healing body.
- Support – finding your “village” before your baby comes so you are able to get your needs met. Super independence is not going to be helpful during this phase of life.
- Rest – choosing to let go of the need to do more and be more, and embracing the truth that resting and tending to the baby is more than enough for now.
- Ritual – a meaningful way to mark the transition into new motherhood and honor the role she now plays.
Every woman in every culture will get these needs met in different ways, but understanding the need to take time to recover is the important first step. Choosing to believe you need and deserve this time will help you on your path to figuring out how your journey will look.
Questions to ask before baby arrives
Before having my son, I didn’t know how to prepare for postpartum. If I had read through and answered these questions, it would have helped me when the time came that I actually needed help. The author explains each of these in depth, but I wanted to give you the basics just to whet your appetite. Ask yourself:
- Do I believe I deserve this time of rest, healing, and bonding with my baby?
- How comfortable am I with new challenges and situations? Who can I call if/when I get frustrated, scared, or confused?
- How will it feel to be alone with a tiny baby? How will it feel to step out of the business of my life and do very little? Who can I turn to on good days, and who will be there on days when I’m feeling blue?
- How can my partner and I talk about our expectations ahead of time? Do we both have a realistic understanding of what our respective roles will be once the baby is here?How will we communicate when we reach our limits?
- How do I navigate conflicting emotions? Do I have someone I can count on who will listen to me without judgment or the need to dole out advice?
- Who will make food for my family and me during the early weeks with baby? How open am I to new flavors? Am I comfortable requesting specific dishes?
- Do I have what it takes to ask for what I need?If not, how can I build this courage? Can I begin practicing now?
If I were to do it again, I would ask myself these questions and then write down my answers. That way I can easily look to it when I’m in the dark, sleep-deprived days of early postpartum and I just can’t think straight.
Lists, tips, and to-dos
Scattered throughout the text are little one-pagers of ideas, tips, and suggestions that are helpful when planning and preparing for life with a new little one. She offers insight on how to prepare your pantry, freezer, and home beforehand so you have nourishing food options on hand when needed. There are thoughts on which professional supports you may want to consider (such as doula, lactation consultant, etc.), and so much more!
The 4 Phases of the Gateway
This section breaks down the first forty days (referred to as the gateway) into four phases. As I read through these, freshly past my own first forty day period, I recognized the words in my own experience. It would have been nice to be able read each section as I was living it. The insights bring clarity to the fog and a reminder of the bigger picture to what is happening right now. It would’ve empowered me to recognize my own needs and get the support I so desperately needed. This is a section I would definitely put a bookmark in to read again while you are living it.
Nourishment
The last of the main text covers the food aspect of healing. Like I said, it was overwhelming to me at first, but don’t let that stop you! At the very least, her main principles can serve as a guideline for what to prepare and how:
- Think soft. Your body and digestive tract are weak after just delivering a baby and soft foods are the way to go.
- Nix the cold. The goal is to keep your body warm to allow energy and blood flow throughout your body.
- Love your fats. Healthy fats are essential for your baby and for your healing and will help with your digestion.
- Observe how your food (might) affect your baby. This will go a long way for both of you, trust me.
- Let your village cook.
She goes into great detail about each of these and offers ample recipes and ideas for getting the nourishment you need to heal and feel good.
I would try some of these recipes before your baby comes. That way you have experience as your friend, plus you can freeze what you make and pull it out in those early days to reheat.
I will say that the recipes I have tried have been very yummy and filling and I would have been a lot better off eating this stuff than what I did eat postpartum.
The Bottom Line
While it won’t fit every woman perfectly, I found this book to be a holistic, traditional approach to the postpartum time that shows honor and respect for all that goes on during this time. I would recommend it for sure!
Resources:
The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother: Ou, Heng, Greeven, Amely, Belger, Marisa: 9781617691836: Amazon.com: Books (not affiliate)
